My Girl Crush…

03 May

The first paragraph of any article is usually the hardest for me. Even during my university days, writing academic essays and all, I have always struggled with that first paragraph. The moment I manage to get it done, everything else just falls in place; I can write another 100 pages with ease, but that first paragraph is a constant struggle; it is so ridiculous. Okay, some of you may know what I am trying to do here, which is get rid of the first paragraph by writing what I have just written (I do mean it nevertheless) even though it is totally out of point. Hopefully now that the first paragraph is done, I can actually write what I intended (**haha**)

I have lived for 25years and some; in my rather short life (I call it short because I intend to live for much more than that), I have had a surprisingly high number of crushes. For clarity sake, when I say crush, I mean a relationship that happened in my head only. I believe everyone (and I say everyone boldly) has had a crush(es) at some point of their life. There was Nosa when I was 11 or 12, not very sure, he was very cool and boy! Was I in love. There was that cute NYSC teacher (or at least I remember him as being cute) when I was in secondary school, he seemed so much cooler and older than all the other boys I had met. I spent all my pocket money buying whatever it is they sold (cant remember) in the staff room he was in, just so I could catch a glimpse of him (**laughs**, it sounds so ridiculous now), they were so many, can’t even remember most of them now. Oh! I remember Donald Duke (God! That man is fine, intelligent and he sings). If you sing, I am most probably at risk of having a crush on you (**laughs**). Anyways, I got older and my crushes sort of developed into something of respect for people and less of wanting to marry them and have their babies (Can you just imagine how many times I have been married in my head? Way more than Jlo and Stella Damasus **laughing** {no disrespect ladies, I love you both especially for your will not to give up on love}; I am pretty sure if it was reality, a new law would have long since been written on the maximum number of times one can get married **laughing really hard**).

So, back to my original thought, my crushes have developed with age and maturity. These days, I am more attracted to individuals with grace, exceptional courage, defined individuality, high intellect, achievers who are not afraid to go after what they want, artist who have found their artistic strengths and used it resoundingly; individuals like Oprah Winfrey, Michelle Obama, Chinua AchebeAlicia Keys (I love love her),  Asa, Steve Job, Beyonce (yes I said it), Pastor Iain Duthie, Victoria Beckham, Malala Yousafzai and so many more. For most of these individuals, the reason why I greatly respect and admire them is so obvious; their grace, exceptional courage in the face of adversity, inspires me; for others, their humility, tenacity and artistic success in such a complex society is amazing. However, at the moment, my girl crush is Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie.

I love Chimamanda!!!!! Not just because she is a beautiful intelligent Nigerian woman but because she has mentally engaged me so many times. She is someone who has actually got me thinking. Growing up, I loved stories; initially, just having someone verbally narrate to me was okay, but eventually, people got tired of narrating to me, so I started reading. I read every romance book I could lay my hands on, every James Hadley Chase. However, literary Nigerian books (with an exception of some few ones) were always a big challenge for me to read; I had no interest. Chimamanda recently has challenged my interest in Nigerian books, she has challenged my reasoning on a lot of matters; how I define a culture or my stereotypical categorization of things/people,  my interest in history and a lot more. She simply inspires me. So yes, I have a huge girl crush on her at the moment. I know most people know of her but for those who do not, read about her, listen to her speeches on ‘Ted’, read any of her books and you most probably will admire her some. So to end this post, I have selected a few funny (at less to me), intelligent quotes from one of her books ‘Half of a Yellow Sun’ and her talk on ‘The danger of a Single Story’. I hope you laugh and most importantly, think about the message, like I have.

‘There’s something very lazy about the way you have loved him blindly for so long without ever criticizing him. You’ve never even accepted that the man is ugly,’ – Half of a Yellow Sun

‘It’s wrong of you to think that love leaves room for nothing else. It’s possible to love something and still condescend to it.’ – Half of a Yellow Sun

‘Power is the ability not just to tell the story of another person, but to make it the definitive story of that person.’ – A Single Story

‘The single story creates stereotypes, and the problem with stereotypes is not that they are untrue, but that they are incomplete. They make one story become the only story.’  – A Single Story

TED (conference)

TED (conference) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)


Posted by on May 3, 2013 in Uncategorized


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12 responses to “My Girl Crush…

  1. titoo

    May 3, 2013 at 2:58 pm

    Great write up!I really admire Chimamanda too. Im currently reading her new book, Americanah.

  2. naijabrit88

    May 3, 2013 at 6:10 pm

    Good post. I also like Chimamanda Adichie. She is a great writer and I hope to be a great writer like she is. I loved Half of a Yellow Sun and Purple Hibiscus and I am currently reading Americanah.

  3. stella chizea okotie

    May 4, 2013 at 8:57 am

    Yeah just like u said first paragraph is usually like how do I start? But really wen u re done wit it u kind of exhale cos every other paragraph falls in place.
    Its a nice post u have there and I must admit that you inspire me a lot. I also had crushes as a young girl but mostly on characters I read about in novels and weneva I read a novel a touchy one I would cry for days e.g “Hopeful Lovers”(I was really emotional). So I agree with you.
    Talking about having crush hmm Buchi Emecheta is one person I love so much; her novel “joys of mothehood” makes me reflect on life a lot. I also love Chimamnda Ngozi Adichie. Her novel ” purple hibiscus and the speech on single story- simply awesome!

    • journalofacomplexmind

      May 5, 2013 at 11:37 am

      Hello Stella, thanks for the comment
      You inspire me too (And I mean that)
      Don’t really know of Buchi Emecheta but will read up on her
      Hopefully, my blog will see more of you.

  4. journalofacomplexmind

    May 5, 2013 at 10:40 am

    Thanks Tito and Naijabrit88 for the comments and like. Yes, I think Chimamanda is exceptional, not just for her books but for her mind. I haven’t had a chance to read Americanah yet, but i would soon. Naijabrit88, best of luck with your writing, we definitely could do with great writers to inspire generations to come.

  5. lunartsd

    May 8, 2013 at 10:58 am

    Your brutal honesty shines through, yet again! Maybe you should consider renaming this blog to: “confessions of a complex mind”!

    First, kudos on your very clever way of getting past the first paragraph! Though, I wonder how many times you can play that joker without getting caught! Not that you were even trying to hide it.

    Secondly, let me congratulate you on your silver jubilee year! Very few people are open about their age, so it’s wonderful that you’re proud of such an auspicious landmark in your life. May good things come your way throughout this year, and way beyond.

    As for your crushes, they are perfectly natural. I don’t know of anyone who never had a crush at every stage of their development, even if it were just admiration. We all look up to and are inspired by others, for various reasons. And this inspiration often pushes us to become more like our heroes. And so, like you rightly said, a crush develops into admiration, then emulation and eventually we become like the people who we’ve looked up to for so long.

    And so, a few years from now, others too will write about how they admire your journals and hope to be like you someday. C’est la vie!

    • journalofacomplexmind

      May 8, 2013 at 11:32 am

      Hey Lunartsd,

      It still seems appropriate to use your username for reference here. First, I would like to correct a wrong impression; I said 25 and then some. Some here does not mean months, it means years, so I am not 25 years old (although I wish I am, 21 even better). I generally do not have a problem with disclosing my age but it seems rather unnecessary for this post.

      I like the name ‘confessions of a complex mind’ and will definitely think about it.

      Honesty is important for sensible human interaction and lies only keeps us prisoners, that is, in my opinion.

      If I can make half the impression that Chimamanda does, I would feel very fulfilled. If I can inspire thought patterns and make people understand and celebrate the positive sides of themselves, then I will be truly satisfied.

      Thank you for your comment, superhero.

      • lunartsd

        May 8, 2013 at 8:20 pm

        Well, “age ain’t nothing but a number”, like they say. If you want to be 21 again, who’s to say you can’t?! You seem young at heart anyway, so you could fool anyone.

        The truth really does set us free, and you’re truly wise to embrace it.

        I tried to think of at least one reason why you can’t surpass Chimamanda, and I could not. Maybe you can, but I doubt that either. What’s more likely is that you’ll realise your true power, and get to work creating giant footprints, in the sands of time, for other writers of this country to follow.

        If no one is stopping you, why should you?

        It’s always a pleasure, and sometimes even a challenge, responding to your posts. I hope you’ll see that as a sign of the power of your writing.

        • journalofacomplexmind

          May 9, 2013 at 9:26 am

          Thanks Lunartsd for the vote of confidence. I hope Ii live up to expectation.

          Talking about age being just a number, to be honest, I don’t entirely believe that. I believe that with age comes time and with time, comes experiences. Seeing as individuals are constantly evolving, understanding ourselves and most times, developing, I believe that time is important, hence age. Who I am today is very different different from who I was a couple of years back.

          But having said that, I also know that I am not smarter or exposed than every 21 year old or even 18. That 18 or 21 year old may have experienced more life than I have depending on their individual contextual experiences and background. But that 18 or 21 year old will be more developed when they are even 25 or 28, because they would have had more experiences and maybe more exposure in the time between. So even though people say age is just a number I don’t believe it is. Yes it is a number but not just; it is a number of how many years one has lived, it is a number of one’s years of experience and even if they were locked away somewhere with no communication with the outside world, it would still be a number of years spent doing nothing. Age is time and time is very important because it translates to life and experiences. Plus, whether we accept it or not, as the years go by, the physical self gets weaker and time will definitely come when one will be old and grey and not as strong and all you will have are those experiences and what you did with them .

          So yes I wish age was just a number but realistically, it isn’t.

          • lunartsd

            May 9, 2013 at 6:06 pm

            True words, Tuokpe, I agree entirely. Age is the the price we pay for wisdom, experience and even life itself. For to live another day, we must add yet another to our age.

            But to say “age is just a number” only implies that we can live without being tied down to the rules society attributes to various ages. No one would ever try to suggest that we can actually cheat nature by merely thinking ourselves younger (or even older) than we are. I suppose it’s a way of liberating oneself from one of the many shackles our identity binds us with.

  6. ormainy

    May 8, 2013 at 1:38 pm

    Loved it, you should see me smiling like a cheschire cat. And oh, by the way; I crushed on most of your crushes. Now my brain is thinking about the corper you crushed on, I’m suspecting that Geography teacher, he was the only cute one I think. Hahahahhahahaha.. (Didn’t crush on any of those, I was thinking about Enrique Iglesias). LMAO

    • journalofacomplexmind

      May 9, 2013 at 8:51 am

      Oh my!!! You should have shared your thoughts with me then and we could have crushed together.


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