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Monthly Archives: June 2013

STUCK IN THE MUD

Stuck in the mud’ was the name of a game I played as a child (as am sure many people did). Can’t really remember the rudiments of the game but I think it had something to do with planting your feet wide open on the ground. You weren’t allowed to move or run until someone crawled through/between your legs or touched you (Something like that, I think) In retrospect, it is interesting how much I enjoyed this as a child; oh well! The simple joy of childhood.

It’s remarkable how many childhood games comes into perspective in adulthood. Some people are very fortunate in their transition between childhood and adulthood. These individuals have found it rather easy to fall into the different stages of life (age and time wise). I guess you can refer to it as growing with time. They were children, when they should have been children, teenagers, when they should have been teenagers and adults, when they should be adults. In my opinion, these people are very fortunate. They have lived life in its stages, moved on with time and in the process, managed to excel at what I think is a simple and yet complex task of life –  a true paradox indeed.

However, for some others and for one reason or the other, the transition of life has never really been that straight forward. It feels like the 30 minutes childhood game of ‘struck in the mud’ has somehow jinxed their full existence. The problem isn’t really not knowing where you want to be at each given stage of life; it is more about not knowing how to get there or taking a few wrong steps, only to find out you are now farther away than you were and in the midst of all these, time has gotten away from you and is still moving regardless. All you really want to do is just run forward and ensure that when you pass on the baton, you are way ahead of time or at the less, caught up with it, but for some reason, you are just stuck in the mud. Everyone around you seems to be moving, whether it is in the direction they want or not, who knows? But they are moving nevertheless and from where you are standing, it does seem like the right direction.

Days like this, simplicity becomes important and perhaps, that’s part of the problem; they (maybe I really should be saying ‘we’ or ‘I’) complicate everything and every step; over rationalise things but I guess some people aren’t wired simple. We think too much, want too much, but do not necessarily know how to get that much. Or it could be, we didn’t start preparation early enough or were even too scared to ever attempt. We spent too much time trying to figure out what we wanted, changing our minds, going back and forth; and before we realised it, boom!! So much time had passed, we haven’t actually done anything or have taken too much for granted and we are still … stuck in the mud.

Maybe am just being theatrical (Like always), maybe we should just take what we get or play dirty like most people. Or maybe, we should just shut up and count our blessings (Which are numerous, I may add). Maybe we should just enjoy today because today is really all we have (at less in this life).

But today, just now, some people really yearn for so much more than they have

Just a mind rambling on…

 
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Posted by on June 28, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

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PRAYER OF MY SOUL

Lord Today I Pray:

For the wisdom to choose love over passion

To think with my head and love with my heart

To realise that I am created in a human form

And as such come with weakness

To let your strength be perfected in my weakness

To remember that I cannot see what my future holds

And as such let you help me live my present based on your knowledge of my future

I pray for the wisdom to choose right over norm

And the strength and maturity to live with the consequences of my choices.

To understand the simple arithmetic of one plus one equals two

And as such choose my ones carefully

For the ability to dream

And the boldness to act

To see strength in walking away

And the wisdom to know when to let go

To understand that hope and faith comes with prayer

And the ability to pray right

To remember that there is always room for more in life

But to be grateful for what I have

And never forget you are ultimate

To remember a beautiful life also lies in the joy of my family and friends

And as such, to pray for them with as much passion as I pray for myself

To define myself by your word

But to remember that my actions are all people may see

 To understand that though my life is mine to live

My decisions affect more people than I imagine

To say I love you while there is still time

Appreciate the moments I have

And never forget the loved ones I have lost.

 
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Posted by on June 21, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

‘FULLY ALIVE’ – Dawna Markova

I will not die an unlived life. 

I will not live in fear of falling or catching fire.

I choose to inhabit my days,

to allow my living to open me,

to make me less afraid, more accessible,

to loosen my heart until it becomes a wing, a torch, a promise.

 I choose to risk my significance;

 to live so that which came to me as seed goes to the next as blossom

 and that which came to me as blossom, goes on as fruit. 

 
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Posted by on June 21, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

My Notes…

So it seems I am still having a difficult time writing anything. I think the literary term would be ‘Writer’s Block’, but I don’t think I am technically a writer.

For some reason, my mind is refusing to process anything just now. It may be compartmentalizing and sieving through (I told you it is complex). However, being the good sport I am, until my mind is ready, am just going to keep improvising to ensure the flag keeps flying.

So today, I’m going to post two of my favourite notes or poems (Whichever way you choose to categorize it). The first is titled ‘Fully Alive’ written by ‘Dawna Markova’; the words are motivating ; I recite them as often as possible as a form of declaration.

The second is written by me; I call it ‘Prayer of my Soul’, because the words were written from my heart; I constantly remind myself of them and try to absorb them in my every decision and day.

You will find both notes/poems  in my next two post. I really hope you like them and they mean something to you too

 

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Posted by on June 21, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

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DAMSEL IN DISTRESS

I never would have thought it was going to be another raining day. If I had, maybe I wouldn’t have left the house at all or just made a better plan.

I decided that I had to change my eating habit of about 80% carbs. This meant that I had to cook and for that to happen, I needed to go to the market for groceries. Maybe the fact that I wanted to cook should have been the first sign that this was going to be one of those days where the universe was going to take a piss at me (literally). Anyways, I get on my way to the market and almost immediately start complaining again about the scotching sun; at this point, in retrospect, I am sure this was where the universe made up its mind to have a laugh at me.

I am not much of a groceries shopping except it is a super-mart with aisles and directions. Unfortunately, this is the typical ‘Naija’ market; rowdy, crowded and stuffy. It takes plenty of time to find all the items I want; most of the time spent walking in circles. With just about two items to go, the sky starts darkening. I don’t even notice it; until someone asks what time it is and points out how dull the weather is for just 14:30. Oh my!! It is definitely getting set to rain and as expected I start hurrying along, stopping to pick my last items on my way out. Before I can make it out, the clouds gives way and starts pouring down. I tell myself, I am no salt and wouldn’t dissolve if I brave the rain. But almost immediately, as if the universe heard me, the rain angrily increases its pace; if you’ve ever been in Nigeria, you will understand what it means for it to rain heavily.

I decide it’s no use going under the rain, I can’t walk home; it’s way too far and no cabbie is going to pick a soaking wet girl in his cab, so I am left with no choice but to wait. At this point, I am really tired and getting so angry at people who kept splashing dirty water at me. Finally, it seems like the stars have finally aligned for me; after about 20 minutes, I get a cab that drops someone just next to where I am standing. Quickly I jump into the cab but before I can even suggest a hire, desperate people like me jump in too and on our way we go. But my joy is short-lived; the cabbie insists on playing really loud music and sings along, to make matters worse, it is in a language only he understands. He has just done me a huge favour so I can’t really complain. Again in retrospect,  it means this was the universe telling me it wasn’t done with me yet.

I soon realise that I have just stepped into gear two of my amazing day. The junction the cab stops at is still quite a distance to my final destination. I could walk on a normal day but this day is far from normal. Oh! I forgot to mention that I didn’t get an umbrella because I had middle sized groceries bag on both hands, plus a handbag as well. Second problem – How do I get from the junction the cab stops into the street where I live?

The cab finally drops me off and while I am glad to be saved from the resounding buzz in my ears as a result of the loud music, I am also now faced with the problem of walking down into my street. With little or no other option, I start walking under the rain. Just when I think I am resolved, I see a flowing pool of muddy water just at the entrance into the street. I look left and right and unfortunately,  there is no alternate route. I figure I am already wet and would get soaked to my pants before I get home, so why not? Plus I really don’t have any other option; so I put my feet into the very muddy, very dirty water and on my way I go. The water gets deeper at intervals, halfway to my knee; I am dripping water but have to keep stopping to give my hands a break. I make it closer and the rain subsides. Soon, I pass by a school and there is a lady waiting outside in the safety of a car; I assume she is there to pick up her kids. She yells to me ‘cover your chest’. Apparently, my top has dropped down some and is now showing part of my bra and some skin. But do I really care? I am soaking to my bones, my hands hurt, and my sandal is almost giving way from repeatedly walking in deep and dirty rain water; and for some reason this woman thinks I care about propriety??? Hell, No!!! I just give her a glare and move on my way. Thankfully, I am home in another few minutes; just then, the universe smiles and boom!!! The rain is over. 

No Kidding!!!!!!!!!

 
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Posted by on June 20, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

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HUSTLERS IN DISGUISE

It’s just another normal day and I am about town running some errands, I get into a shared taxi and soon start thinking how hot it is, even though I am sitting at the front passenger seat. It is time for school run, so as usual it seems like the small city of Asaba has emptied all its cars on the road. The cabbie like all others keeps swerving in and out of the road, hoping to get the first available passengers. Soon he gets lucky and picks up three ladies (Yea! The cab is full, now he can concentrate more on driving and less on picking up passengers).

To keep myself occupied, I start playing with my phone (Like most people do). So here I am, trying to mind my own business (Well, not really), but the three ladies, who just got into the taxi, keep chatting away, rather loudly. I take a peek through the review mirror and I am soon caught up in their world, but totally as an observer. They are lovely looking, two more than one; trendily dressed; obviously they pay attention to all the latest details on what to wear with what, how to make up and all the trends women like to keep up with. However, I am more drawn to their conversation than anything else (Maybe that’s because am a girl and definitely straight, not that anyone asked). They are conversing in well-defined pidgin (that’s not uncommon; I’m after all in Delta state, arguably the land of authentic pidgin), rather loudly, am sure I mentioned. I soon gather from their conversation that they are university students and in their examination section. The way they keep rapping pidgin without any beat in between, I am soon thinking ‘God! Can these girls write coherently in proper English? How interesting it will be for whoever grades their examination paper’ Almost on cue, the conversation changes tone to the last paper they have just written and how their ‘supplier no dey fail’… Alright I am not usually that slow but because of their connotative terms like ‘network’ or ‘supplier’, it does take a while for me to catch on. These girls are talking about examination malpractice! Of course, I don’t get it at first because I am in a shared taxi, ‘who talks about stuff like that, so loudly, in a public place?’ For all they know I could be an examiner in their school or something in that regard. Soon the realization hits me, they don’t care!!

Their conversation goes on, even after one of them gets down from the taxi. A couple of minutes later, one of them receive a call from a supposing boyfriend or ‘sugar-daddy’ and she immediately starts asking  for money (no, scratch that, ‘demanding’ would be the appropriate word). At this stage, I realize that my initial imagine of these girls as ladies was a delusion, maybe deliberate on their part, I don’t know or pretend to know. But I am certain by the time I get off the taxi that I had just shared a cab with three hustlers in disguise.

 

 
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Posted by on June 18, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

BREAK OVER!!!!!

 Hey Y’all! So I have to start by apologizing to everyone, who takes the time to read my post, for abandoning my blog (my mind and baby) for so long (Even super-moms need a break, just ask them, they may admit it).  I was away for a while and had terrible internet connection. I could hardly get into my blog, let alone, post anything.

Maybe, if I am truthful, I probably didn’t have anything coherent to write about, for a while. I have been having a difficult time processing my thoughts of late; too many conflicting opinions and emotions. But, I am back to good internet connection, so hopefully I can write something interesting and cogent.

I had  previously written two short stories about my daily experiences; I am going to start by posting them.  Fingers crossed, they keep you entertained. Baby steps…

 
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Posted by on June 18, 2013 in Uncategorized