RSS

Category Archives: 30…ish and Single (Still)

My experiences and opinions as a single girl

Birthday Bash…

‘Oga! We had an agreement’, she stated gently, carefully removing his hand from her thighs.

‘Oooo! Why are you behaving like this na’, he countered, obviously, hoping to somehow convince his hand further up her thighs.

She was determined to go out!

It was her birthday and this time it was a happy birthday. The last two years had been a bit sad, a little indifferent but this year, Ruby had chosen to be happy.

With all the ‘happy birthday’ that came from close friends, there was also the demand that she went out to celebrate.

‘Ruby, you never do anything fun, you really should go out today’.

Why not? She asked herself, there was nothing like cuddling up in bed with a glass of wine and a television series at the end of the day but what better excuse to go out than a birthday celebration. However, the decision to go out wasn’t without its challenges. The first and major one being that she needed a wing person. Experience had taught her that as a woman, Read the rest of this entry »

Advertisements
 
1 Comment

Posted by on October 20, 2016 in 30…ish and Single (Still), Uncategorized

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

New Blog Alert

Hello everyone.

I have been writing a special category on this space for a while now, titled – 30ish and Single (Still). This category has now been moved to a new blog of its own with web address http://www.30ishandsinglestill.com

post

Too often, when you get to a certain age, eyes are turned on you, wondering why you are still single. Consciously and unconsciously, the pressure is mounted to find someone (maybe even anyone) to tie the knots with and change your marital status which of course is just crazy.  Read the rest of this entry »

 
 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

30ish & Single(Still): Dating Younger Men

‘The best form of Karma when you stand in judgement over other people’s decisions is finding yourself making similar decisions down the line as life throws you, your own curve ball’.

About 5 years ago, I had just started a new job and had to do a mandatory training with 4 other people. Soon, we all got familiar and started discussing personal details about ourselves. Somehow, one of the ladies, who was about 31 at the time mentioned she lived with her boyfriend who was younger than her (Can’t remember how much younger). I must have had a face because the next thing I remember, I was giving my opinion on how I don’t judge women who date younger men but it wasn’t something I could do; absolutely not! (For someone who wasn’t judging, that statement in itself was laced with judgement. I like to believe I am less judgemental these days).

Fast forward to a few weeks ago, over the holidays, I sat down with a dear friend who I hadn’t seen in a bit and we got chatting; playing catch up. Now, you can say that we both fall under the category, 30ish & Single and as expected, our conversation eventually drifted to men and relationships. Read the rest of this entry »

 
 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

30ish and Single (Still) – Family Weddings

Ever attended a family wedding when you are of ‘marriageable age’ and still single? Trust me, not a fun experience (Am sure most people can relate, especially, Africans). It’s like being locked inside a hen cage (That’s the best analogy I can come up with, so manage it). The well-meaning aunties and uncles (in my case, add brother to the list), all in one place, making sly comments about coming together again to ‘eat your rice’ and celebrate with you’ (Don’t I wish the comments were about making financial contribution towards the imaginary wedding). Heaven forbids that you tell them, there isn’t even a significant man in your life. Read the rest of this entry »

 
 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

30ish and Single (Still) – Zodiac Explanations for your sign

Zodiac signs have always interested me. You must agree that the very idea that someone who has never met you can predict stuff about you, based on how the stars aligned when you were born, makes for a rather interesting read. It totally dismisses genetics and nurture, but embraces some other mystical factor I don’t fully comprehend. And, of course, because the human self is always looking for an external explanation for why we act the way we do or predictions on how our lives are going to turn out, we read all these Zodiac Predictions and explanations, and some people actually believe it. Really interesting stuff! Read the rest of this entry »

 
1 Comment

Posted by on December 13, 2015 in 30…ish and Single (Still)

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Another reason why you are 30ish and Single Still…

It is interesting how much information you can find on the internet about being 30ish and single, more about the woman than the man (**Pouting**, the world is so sexist) Oh well, I guess men don’t have to worry about their biological clock and their ovaries drying up (So does that mean that God is sexist?).

Anyway, I recently read an article online that provided another opinion as to why some woman over 30 are still single and since I fall under this category, of course my interest was piqued.

According to the article, at 30ish, you are more likely to have grown into yourself, which means, you have become more self-assured and have stronger opinions. You know who you are, what you want and certainly, what you don’t want or like. You are also less susceptible to bull***t, maybe even ‘too picky’. Basically, you have become wiser and wait for it… This could be a reason why you are still single! Read the rest of this entry »

 
1 Comment

Posted by on October 17, 2015 in 30…ish and Single (Still)

 

Tags: , , , , , , , ,

30…ish and Single (still): The Idea of Marriage

I went back and forth trying to make up my mind whether to categorise this post under my 30…ish and single (still) series. Finally decided to but I hope it communicates its original idea though.

I recently had to make a tough decision (Although my cousin would beg to differ) whether or not to stay or walk out of a relationship. Like I am sure most people can identify with me, I went back and forth in my mind, even created a list on ‘things I like about …’ (I hope you understand my reason for withholding the name).  It wasn’t so much so that there was anything wrong with this person in question; he is actually quite a good catch in some ladies’ opinion. He’s fine, has a good paying job with excellent potentials, patient, reasonable, attends church etc  (I hope if he reads this, saying this makes up for writing about him*bats lashes*). However, I knew he was wrong for me (Maybe I should say, we were wrong for each other). I tried to hold on as long as I could, telling myself I am the one with the issues (My cousin would agree **hahahaha**), always over analysing everything, ‘there is no sure thing as a perfect person’ blah blah blah. Eventually I stopped second guessing myself, mustered the courage and moved on. Making this decision didn’t come easy because, oh well, like most people would agree, being alone isn’t the easiest thing in the world and I am not a needy person. I quite enjoy my own company and know how to be alone but that doesn’t always make it easy.

During and after this decision was made, I kept questioning myself, why was this decision so hard for me to make, especially when I knew it was the right decision for a while? I eventually came to the conclusion that the reason was beyond the fear of being alone but largely, also surrounded the fact that I am 30…ish and single (Still). I am at that stage of my life where everyone is looking at you and wondering why you aren’t talking about a date for the wedding? Why you aren’t introducing anyone to the family and friends? And even worse, why isn’t there a man in your life? So at this stage, any man (especially the one with a good profile like ‘recent ex’ *lol*) becomes better than no man, regardless of how ill-suited you are for each other. This, in my opinion, is what I call the ‘idea of marriage’ and we are completely sold out to it.

Again in my opinion, this ‘idea of marriage’ primarily accounts for a huge percentage of failed marriages. It makes one blind to the faults and ill-suited attributes of the other until the nuptials are exchanged and then you decide you can’t live with them after all. But the person didn’t change (at less, not fundamentally) you just chose not to regard those attributes initially. My mother would say, don’t think what didn’t change before the wedding, would change in marriage (Except by the special grace of God). In my immediate society (Nigeria), it’s even more difficult to be at a certain age and be single (still). No matter how successful you are in your professional life etc, you are still regarded as well ‘not so successful’ in your life. No matter how old you may be, you are still called a girl and younger ladies with wedding bands and children on their hips are given more respect than you (After all, you are nobody’ wife and don’t have the covering on a man *ridiculous*). Even when you come from an understanding family like mine, even when you are liberal-minded like me, there’s still that uncertainty and fear of ending up alone and if one is not lucky, this fear pushes you into a relationship and marriage you have no business being in. Sometimes, if you are lucky, it works out just fine. Other times, you end up being unhappy and in worse cases, you end up being miserable. Your children would never look at your marriage as a yardstick to measure up to. You become one of the huge percentage of married individuals who when asked if they would marry their partners again would cry out in their hearts, ‘NO!’. Don’t get me wrong, I am adult and a realist enough to know that marriage isn’t a walk in the park. I understand it is commitment, work, loyalty, compromise. I also believe it should be love, trust, respect and compatibility among other things.

Coming from a Nigerian environment, one could say there was a time when plenty of marriages were arranged and those couples stayed together through their lives. Well, true, but this is a different time. In that age, the dynamics of marriages was different. Women were more subdued and the roles in the home were well defined, specific, with little or no overlapping. These days, the rules have changed. Women have more rights (Thank God), are more vocal, more independent. It is more of a partnership and less autocratic *winks*. Not trying to undermine the authority of men in their homes, just calling it the way I see it. So it has become essential to try one’s best to get it right from the foundation, from the beginning. To make sure that whatever you say yes to, is what you can live it. To ensure as much as possible that you are with a man/woman you can marry over again. It has become essential for our parents and family to ask the right questions like ‘does he/she make you happy?’, ‘does he/she respect and support you even when they disagree with you?’, ‘does he/she put you first and love you?’ etc.

Marriage should be a lifetime commitment (Unless of course you are in Hollywood or all the other ‘woods’) and while the future is unknown, the chances are better if you review your cards properly. I, for one, know being single isn’t the easiest thing in the world and could be socially and emotionally frustrating, so I hope I abide by my own preaching, because I can think of a whole lot things that are worse. I am also adult enough to know there isn’t a 100% perfect person but there are wrong people (at less for an individual). Nevertheless, for those who have walked down that road already, be of good cheer, I believe there is light at the end of the tunnel.

After all said, what do I know, I have never been married; 30…ish and single (still)

 

 
4 Comments

Posted by on October 11, 2013 in 30…ish and Single (Still)

 

Tags: , , , , , ,