Since my blogging experience began, I have been looking forward to today, the 4th of September. For the past two years, today is a day I have reserved in my heart and head to remember my dad (daddy) who passed on this day, three years ago. Not to say I don’t remember him almost every other day, because I do. But today and the 10th of April (his birthday) are those special days reserved to reflex on my years with him; laugh at the funny memories and cry a little (or much).
I remember the first time I read a post from my blog to my mother, she said to me ‘you know, you should really write about your dad’ and I said ‘of course’. In my head, I had previously decided to wait until today where my thoughts on my dad comes flooding right to the brim of my head and wanting to write about him, almost inevitably. However, the weirdest thing happened today… I forgot!!!!!
I woke up this morning and I forgot what today should mean to me. I didn’t remember until I got a text from my brother. ‘What!!!!! How on earth is this possible????’ I thought. For an hour or so after I got the text, I was so mad at myself (maybe still mad at myself). I couldn’t (can’t) imagine how on earth I could have forgotten. Let me explain, I am one of those girls, who her daddy meant the world to her and was a huge part of her life (literally); as a child, travelling a lot with him (My sisters and I), plaiting his hair and him having to cover it up when visitors came by **hahaha** (Almost forgot that one). He was involved in practically every life decision I made. He pushed, encouraged and often intimated into accepting his opinion (‘advice’, he would call it, but trust me, it was definitely more imposing than an advice **laughs**). When he passed, I thought ‘I would give anything to have that imposing “advice” again’. To hear him laugh, talk and even shout. I thought my world was crumbling down before me and I could do nothing to stop it. I thought,’God!! There is no way I am getting over this’, but today I forgot!! How does one go from believing life is over to forgetting the day that should be so important? And all I could think about was one word, Life!!!!!
As much as I love my dad, as much as he meant the world to me, Life continues. I don’t know if saying this is appropriate (but when has saying anything true been appropriate) or just makes me a cold-hearted person (maybe it does) but I also know it’s honest. I remember my dad in little ways every now and then and when someone important comes into my life, I want them to know how important he was to me. But truth be said, Life has moved on and sometimes the reality of life means we have two options; jump off the nearest cliff (Please don’t go jumping) or move on. As sad as it may be, it seems like I have moved on too.
Although for many years, my dad was a huge part of my life; although writing this makes me remember those frustrating days just before and after he passed on, and makes my heart break all over again, so much so, I can feel it and it makes my eyes well up. I have come to realise that life means sometimes you forget and also means, you always move on.
So I guess what I’m trying to say is this:
Love hard while you can
Let the people in your life know how much they mean to you
Treasure the memories of loss ones every time you remember because truth be said, sometimes you will forget.
But in it all, when you forget, it doesn’t mean you’ve stopped to love or the person meant less
Because I am absolutely certain my dad didn’t; never, not to me.
- Life Goes On (malmariemi.wordpress.com)
- Remembering my dad (blackhillsreiki.wordpress.com)