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Tag Archives: Life

Experience Does Not Always Make You The Authority

“Imagine a wall that’s green on one side and red on the other. You stand on one side and only see green. I stand on the other side and only see red. We’ll both be right about the color we see, even though we disagree on what color the wall is. Being able to realize that the other person has a valid point, even if you disagree with it, that’s maturity.”

 Oliver Gaspirtz

Losing a loved one to the cold hands of death gives you a perspective on loss that only experience can explain effectively. However, it is easy to think that this experience makes us the authority on the topic of loss, but I have come to understand that this is not accurate. Read the rest of this entry »

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Posted by on May 4, 2016 in Uncategorized

 

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30ish & Single(Still): Dating Younger Men

‘The best form of Karma when you stand in judgement over other people’s decisions is finding yourself making similar decisions down the line as life throws you, your own curve ball’.

About 5 years ago, I had just started a new job and had to do a mandatory training with 4 other people. Soon, we all got familiar and started discussing personal details about ourselves. Somehow, one of the ladies, who was about 31 at the time mentioned she lived with her boyfriend who was younger than her (Can’t remember how much younger). I must have had a face because the next thing I remember, I was giving my opinion on how I don’t judge women who date younger men but it wasn’t something I could do; absolutely not! (For someone who wasn’t judging, that statement in itself was laced with judgement. I like to believe I am less judgemental these days).

Fast forward to a few weeks ago, over the holidays, I sat down with a dear friend who I hadn’t seen in a bit and we got chatting; playing catch up. Now, you can say that we both fall under the category, 30ish & Single and as expected, our conversation eventually drifted to men and relationships. Read the rest of this entry »

 
 

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Hurray! 2016 is here

Happy New Year folks!

‘I pray that we stay positive, daring and thankful throughout the year, no matter the challenge’.

The beautiful thing about new years is that people have generally come to accept them as new beginnings. The moment the clock strikes at 12am, it feels like the slate of the old year has been wiped clean; all your achievements or/and failures of the previous year are a thing of the past and we all get a do-over. Most people (myself included) make new goals, plans, expectations and resolutions but way too often before the first quarter of the year is over, we get carried away again with routine and somehow those elaborate plans we made, fade off with the excitement of the new year. The year has become old, so the fire we started with has waned off.

However, I hope the year 2016 is different for us all in a positive way. So here’s my prayer for everyone, again, myself included: Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on January 1, 2016 in Uncategorized

 

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30ish and Single (Still) – Family Weddings

Ever attended a family wedding when you are of ‘marriageable age’ and still single? Trust me, not a fun experience (Am sure most people can relate, especially, Africans). It’s like being locked inside a hen cage (That’s the best analogy I can come up with, so manage it). The well-meaning aunties and uncles (in my case, add brother to the list), all in one place, making sly comments about coming together again to ‘eat your rice’ and celebrate with you’ (Don’t I wish the comments were about making financial contribution towards the imaginary wedding). Heaven forbids that you tell them, there isn’t even a significant man in your life. Read the rest of this entry »

 
 

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2010 – Etched in my memory

“There are memories that time does not erase… Forever does not make loss forgettable, only bearable.”

You know how sometimes, you just have a crappy day with one annoying event happening after another, so much so, that, you just want the day to be over (as if, somehow, a fresh luck comes with dawn). 2010 was that crappy day for me, only, my crappy day lasted a year long.

In fairness to the year, 2010, I had some beautiful things happen as well. It was the year, I graduated with my Masters degree (with distinction I may add. What can I say, I have my smart cookie moments). It was also the year my first nephew was born (He was one cute baby with plenty of hair. He’s still cute but more talkative now). I am sure some other good things happened in 2010 but it is a year I remember for all the bad stuff that happened, basically, for all the good people who passed. Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on December 19, 2015 in Uncategorized

 

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PRIVILEGE

“It’s easy to fictionalize an issue when you’re not aware of the many ways in which you are privileged by it.”
― Kate Bornstein, Gender Outlaws: The Next Generation

I have always thought of privilege as being born with a silver spoon (Although, in my head, a ‘gold spoon’ is a more appropriate term). In many ways, I guess that is what privilege is; an unearned advantage that should give us an edge over some others, in life.

It is amazing how easy it is to see what we term as disadvantages in our lives. ‘Oh! I wasn’t born with a trust fund’ (Personally, wish I was), ‘I was born in the wrong part of town or even the world’, ‘I was born with buck teeth’ (Just had to say this one *hahahaha*, sorry, not funny), ‘I wasn’t born pretty enough’ and so on. Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on September 23, 2015 in Uncategorized

 

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Life is Messy…

‘Your standardised ideologies will not always fit your life; because life is messy’

–  Chimamanda Adichie

The above quote was cut from Wellesley Commencement Address given by my girl crush, Chimamanda Adichie. Immediately she said those words, it jumped at me because it felt like she had looked into my mind and taken a thought I had been trying to eloquently express for a while and there it was, perfectly phrased, finally! Not entirely sure if we meant it in the same context but the phrase fitted my thoughts perfectly.

Our stance, opinions, even our beliefs are constantly being challenged by the reality of life. Every now and then, even more often than we like to admit, we find ourselves taking actions that are contrary to our proclaimed ideologies. Sometimes, not even because we have stopped believing in what we believe but just because of a thousand different reasons and other times, because real experiences has shifted our stance until we have become ‘less sure’. It’s easy to say something should be this or that until you are stuck in that situation and you just may find yourself doing the exact opposite; the high road all of a sudden has become too high, the very action you criticized has become your choice, your firm proclaimed ideology no longer firm enough to dominate the situation, your feminist view is out the window and yes, you have compromised. It’s no longer black or white, it has become grey. Many would say that the term for this is hypocrisy, maybe it is or maybe it isn’t. But I think a fairer term is Life! Ideologically, life is straight-forward but realistically, it is messy and at the end of the day, the life we have now, is life, in its truest definition to us.

 
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Posted by on August 30, 2015 in Uncategorized

 

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