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Tag Archives: Love

SURVIVAL – A Short Story

“Life is but a tale of choices and effects”

loHis body had washed up along the shores in Elegushi. Eyewitnesses commented on how badly decomposed he was; saying they couldn’t look at the body for too long, but somehow still managed to get some photos in the hope of selling it to entertainment bloggers for quick cash. Her Michael was dead and some people thought it a means to make money. Lola really couldn’t complain as it was those reports that had helped her and his family finally find him after being missing for 2 weeks, 5 days and some hours.

She had been holed up in her room where she spent most of her time since Michael’s disappearance, when Tutu, his younger sister had frantically ran into her room alerting the family about the body on the shores of Elegushi. Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on November 5, 2016 in Short story

 

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New Blog Alert

Hello everyone.

I have been writing a special category on this space for a while now, titled – 30ish and Single (Still). This category has now been moved to a new blog of its own with web address http://www.30ishandsinglestill.com

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Too often, when you get to a certain age, eyes are turned on you, wondering why you are still single. Consciously and unconsciously, the pressure is mounted to find someone (maybe even anyone) to tie the knots with and change your marital status which of course is just crazy.  Read the rest of this entry »

 
 

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Experience Does Not Always Make You The Authority

“Imagine a wall that’s green on one side and red on the other. You stand on one side and only see green. I stand on the other side and only see red. We’ll both be right about the color we see, even though we disagree on what color the wall is. Being able to realize that the other person has a valid point, even if you disagree with it, that’s maturity.”

 Oliver Gaspirtz

Losing a loved one to the cold hands of death gives you a perspective on loss that only experience can explain effectively. However, it is easy to think that this experience makes us the authority on the topic of loss, but I have come to understand that this is not accurate. Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on May 4, 2016 in Uncategorized

 

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30ish & Single(Still): Dating Younger Men

‘The best form of Karma when you stand in judgement over other people’s decisions is finding yourself making similar decisions down the line as life throws you, your own curve ball’.

About 5 years ago, I had just started a new job and had to do a mandatory training with 4 other people. Soon, we all got familiar and started discussing personal details about ourselves. Somehow, one of the ladies, who was about 31 at the time mentioned she lived with her boyfriend who was younger than her (Can’t remember how much younger). I must have had a face because the next thing I remember, I was giving my opinion on how I don’t judge women who date younger men but it wasn’t something I could do; absolutely not! (For someone who wasn’t judging, that statement in itself was laced with judgement. I like to believe I am less judgemental these days).

Fast forward to a few weeks ago, over the holidays, I sat down with a dear friend who I hadn’t seen in a bit and we got chatting; playing catch up. Now, you can say that we both fall under the category, 30ish & Single and as expected, our conversation eventually drifted to men and relationships. Read the rest of this entry »

 
 

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30ish and Single (Still): Ladies, It’s a Leap Year

Leap years are exceptional (Just ask those born on February 29th).  Personally, I think it signifies completeness because it is the year that balances the unevenness of the earth’s rotation around the sun and the calendar. Although, many would say it is just a later date to the February paycheck. Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on January 2, 2016 in Uncategorized

 

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Hurray! 2016 is here

Happy New Year folks!

‘I pray that we stay positive, daring and thankful throughout the year, no matter the challenge’.

The beautiful thing about new years is that people have generally come to accept them as new beginnings. The moment the clock strikes at 12am, it feels like the slate of the old year has been wiped clean; all your achievements or/and failures of the previous year are a thing of the past and we all get a do-over. Most people (myself included) make new goals, plans, expectations and resolutions but way too often before the first quarter of the year is over, we get carried away again with routine and somehow those elaborate plans we made, fade off with the excitement of the new year. The year has become old, so the fire we started with has waned off.

However, I hope the year 2016 is different for us all in a positive way. So here’s my prayer for everyone, again, myself included: Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on January 1, 2016 in Uncategorized

 

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30ish and Single (Still) – Family Weddings

Ever attended a family wedding when you are of ‘marriageable age’ and still single? Trust me, not a fun experience (Am sure most people can relate, especially, Africans). It’s like being locked inside a hen cage (That’s the best analogy I can come up with, so manage it). The well-meaning aunties and uncles (in my case, add brother to the list), all in one place, making sly comments about coming together again to ‘eat your rice’ and celebrate with you’ (Don’t I wish the comments were about making financial contribution towards the imaginary wedding). Heaven forbids that you tell them, there isn’t even a significant man in your life. Read the rest of this entry »

 
 

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2010 – Etched in my memory

“There are memories that time does not erase… Forever does not make loss forgettable, only bearable.”

You know how sometimes, you just have a crappy day with one annoying event happening after another, so much so, that, you just want the day to be over (as if, somehow, a fresh luck comes with dawn). 2010 was that crappy day for me, only, my crappy day lasted a year long.

In fairness to the year, 2010, I had some beautiful things happen as well. It was the year, I graduated with my Masters degree (with distinction I may add. What can I say, I have my smart cookie moments). It was also the year my first nephew was born (He was one cute baby with plenty of hair. He’s still cute but more talkative now). I am sure some other good things happened in 2010 but it is a year I remember for all the bad stuff that happened, basically, for all the good people who passed. Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on December 19, 2015 in Uncategorized

 

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30ish and Single (Still) – Zodiac Explanations for your sign

Zodiac signs have always interested me. You must agree that the very idea that someone who has never met you can predict stuff about you, based on how the stars aligned when you were born, makes for a rather interesting read. It totally dismisses genetics and nurture, but embraces some other mystical factor I don’t fully comprehend. And, of course, because the human self is always looking for an external explanation for why we act the way we do or predictions on how our lives are going to turn out, we read all these Zodiac Predictions and explanations, and some people actually believe it. Really interesting stuff! Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on December 13, 2015 in 30…ish and Single (Still)

 

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COLOUR IN THE RAIN

It had suddenly turned dark

The clouds had pulled together in anticipation

It looked angry, only I didn’t know who and what had offended it

It didn’t really seem to care about the whom though

As the stretch of its arms spread far across and it, only, held the authority on where to pour on

It had chosen me!

Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on September 4, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

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Quote of the day

‘Love’s not a faulty toaster.

You can’t take it apart and study the pieces,

replace a part and figure out how it all fits back together.

You just feel it’

 Nora Roberts.

 
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Posted by on September 1, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

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WOULD YOU MARRY YOU?

Emmmmmmmm… Yes…No…Maybe.

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Have you ever wondered if everything about you i.e your personality, your life, basically, a cloned version of yourself was put in another person and you were faced with the choice of marrying that person, if you would?

I have been asked that question repeatedly and my answer always changes. Today, I could say yes, of course I would want to marry someone as kind, caring, with deep appreciation for people especially family and a romantic (Yes! I am all of these and more **winks**) . I understand my emotions and mind better than anyone. It would be a winning deal.

But then, on the other hand, I recognize how dramatic, impatient, stubborn and opinionated, I can get; and of course, my answer changes to Hell No! There is no way I want to marry the dramatic, impatient, stubborn version of  me; wayyyyyy too much for me to handle. Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on June 4, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

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A Special Day!

The birth of a child is almost always celebrated.

It is the beginning of  life for a new being.

Life filled with hope and possibilities;

Possibilities of what the child could be,

What it could achieve.

Today, I celebrate your birth! Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on April 10, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

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In the Sands of Time…

‘Conquer the Devil with a little thing called love’ – Bob Marley

Years ago someone said to me: one of the great problems of this world is the fact that people have become less concerned about their legacy. The legacy they leave when they are no longer in a place; be it, position of power or life in general.

I have always loved Bob Marley (and no, it isn’t because I am on dreads). His songs are filled with wisdom and simple sincerity that leaves something deep with you. I remember as a child listening to my father play his songs and even at such young age, Marley sounded so wise to me. I have wanted to write this post about him for a bit and finally have got around to doing just that (Thank God).bob marley.6.j10 Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on March 12, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

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30…ish and Single (still): The Idea of Marriage

I went back and forth trying to make up my mind whether to categorise this post under my 30…ish and single (still) series. Finally decided to but I hope it communicates its original idea though.

I recently had to make a tough decision (Although my cousin would beg to differ) whether or not to stay or walk out of a relationship. Like I am sure most people can identify with me, I went back and forth in my mind, even created a list on ‘things I like about …’ (I hope you understand my reason for withholding the name).  It wasn’t so much so that there was anything wrong with this person in question; he is actually quite a good catch in some ladies’ opinion. He’s fine, has a good paying job with excellent potentials, patient, reasonable, attends church etc  (I hope if he reads this, saying this makes up for writing about him*bats lashes*). However, I knew he was wrong for me (Maybe I should say, we were wrong for each other). I tried to hold on as long as I could, telling myself I am the one with the issues (My cousin would agree **hahahaha**), always over analysing everything, ‘there is no sure thing as a perfect person’ blah blah blah. Eventually I stopped second guessing myself, mustered the courage and moved on. Making this decision didn’t come easy because, oh well, like most people would agree, being alone isn’t the easiest thing in the world and I am not a needy person. I quite enjoy my own company and know how to be alone but that doesn’t always make it easy.

During and after this decision was made, I kept questioning myself, why was this decision so hard for me to make, especially when I knew it was the right decision for a while? I eventually came to the conclusion that the reason was beyond the fear of being alone but largely, also surrounded the fact that I am 30…ish and single (Still). I am at that stage of my life where everyone is looking at you and wondering why you aren’t talking about a date for the wedding? Why you aren’t introducing anyone to the family and friends? And even worse, why isn’t there a man in your life? So at this stage, any man (especially the one with a good profile like ‘recent ex’ *lol*) becomes better than no man, regardless of how ill-suited you are for each other. This, in my opinion, is what I call the ‘idea of marriage’ and we are completely sold out to it.

Again in my opinion, this ‘idea of marriage’ primarily accounts for a huge percentage of failed marriages. It makes one blind to the faults and ill-suited attributes of the other until the nuptials are exchanged and then you decide you can’t live with them after all. But the person didn’t change (at less, not fundamentally) you just chose not to regard those attributes initially. My mother would say, don’t think what didn’t change before the wedding, would change in marriage (Except by the special grace of God). In my immediate society (Nigeria), it’s even more difficult to be at a certain age and be single (still). No matter how successful you are in your professional life etc, you are still regarded as well ‘not so successful’ in your life. No matter how old you may be, you are still called a girl and younger ladies with wedding bands and children on their hips are given more respect than you (After all, you are nobody’ wife and don’t have the covering on a man *ridiculous*). Even when you come from an understanding family like mine, even when you are liberal-minded like me, there’s still that uncertainty and fear of ending up alone and if one is not lucky, this fear pushes you into a relationship and marriage you have no business being in. Sometimes, if you are lucky, it works out just fine. Other times, you end up being unhappy and in worse cases, you end up being miserable. Your children would never look at your marriage as a yardstick to measure up to. You become one of the huge percentage of married individuals who when asked if they would marry their partners again would cry out in their hearts, ‘NO!’. Don’t get me wrong, I am adult and a realist enough to know that marriage isn’t a walk in the park. I understand it is commitment, work, loyalty, compromise. I also believe it should be love, trust, respect and compatibility among other things.

Coming from a Nigerian environment, one could say there was a time when plenty of marriages were arranged and those couples stayed together through their lives. Well, true, but this is a different time. In that age, the dynamics of marriages was different. Women were more subdued and the roles in the home were well defined, specific, with little or no overlapping. These days, the rules have changed. Women have more rights (Thank God), are more vocal, more independent. It is more of a partnership and less autocratic *winks*. Not trying to undermine the authority of men in their homes, just calling it the way I see it. So it has become essential to try one’s best to get it right from the foundation, from the beginning. To make sure that whatever you say yes to, is what you can live it. To ensure as much as possible that you are with a man/woman you can marry over again. It has become essential for our parents and family to ask the right questions like ‘does he/she make you happy?’, ‘does he/she respect and support you even when they disagree with you?’, ‘does he/she put you first and love you?’ etc.

Marriage should be a lifetime commitment (Unless of course you are in Hollywood or all the other ‘woods’) and while the future is unknown, the chances are better if you review your cards properly. I, for one, know being single isn’t the easiest thing in the world and could be socially and emotionally frustrating, so I hope I abide by my own preaching, because I can think of a whole lot things that are worse. I am also adult enough to know there isn’t a 100% perfect person but there are wrong people (at less for an individual). Nevertheless, for those who have walked down that road already, be of good cheer, I believe there is light at the end of the tunnel.

After all said, what do I know, I have never been married; 30…ish and single (still)

 

 
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Posted by on October 11, 2013 in 30…ish and Single (Still)

 

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WHERE IS ALL THE LOVE IN THE WORLD????

I have a standard rule against writing about headlines; we have enough blogs doing just that. But this one time I am going to break my rule (I did make it after all). Normally, I shy away from stories with regards to terrorist attack; not because I am unconcerned but because I don’t handle such gruesome and senseless death very well especially when images are so visual. But I have been drawn to the news on the Kenyan Westgate Mall attack for reasons I am not very sure (Maybe it’s because I am human, just in case you didn’t know *smiles*).

Turning on the News these days is just a nightmare. It’s constantly dominated by some sort of sad story involving terrorist attacks, deaths or political unrest in one nation or the other. After a while, one even begins to accept it as the norm and defines it as News itself. These days, it is almost impossible to think of the Middle East without thinking about political unrest, death, refugees and its likes.

Such gruesome and sad realities come close to home, being in Nigeria, where over the last couple of years Muslim extremists have terrorised the northern part of the country, in the name of some religious/political statement or the other. But even being a Nigerian and living in Nigeria presently, these current happenings still feels like some far away story because, well, I don’t live in the north and have never personally experienced such nightmare first hand (Thank God for that). It is this way for me as it is for a lot of people, whose experiences of this is only what they hear and read about. I am not saying people don’t empathise, but truth be said, one cannot really understand the depth of such terror if you’ve never experienced it. Sadly, this distant reality is an everyday terror for some people who live in Syria and other places, even some places in Northern Nigeria. For some unfortunate people like those involved in the Kenya Westgate Mall attack, it is an unexpected reality, they only thought they could read and hear about, nevertheless, a reality that struck and they will live it for the rest of their lives (Assuming they were lucky enough to survive the attack).

Considering how dominant these sad realities have become, it is no wonder they hardly come as a shock anymore. Hearing about Boko Haram attack in Northern Nigeria is less of a shock than it was when it all began. Hearing about riots and unrest in Egypt has become a passing story for most of us, even less, attacks and suicide bombers in the Middle East. And honestly, this, in my opinion, is what makes it sadder. It is so sad and heart-breaking that such gruesome attacks and senseless deaths have become part of the world’s reality so much so that, no matter how much BBC, CNN or any other television network repeats the story or get different analysts to analyse it from different angles, it has become normal to the average individual who isn’t directly involved in it. We may stay glued to the television, we may empathize with those involved but the reality is, it is someone else’s reality and we move on with our own lives, our own issues and the next story.

However, this time, the last attack on Kenya Westgate Mall did hit me more personally than before. I have spent more time thinking about it, analysing it in my mind over and over again. Trying to see if I can understand the terror those involved experienced (even though I know I can’t) or what could ever make a human being lay siege on another fellow human being in much a frightful and despicable manner? Maybe my longer focus on this attack is because it went on over a couple of days, maybe it’s because the visual images of those involved included pictures of children with such unguided terror in their faces (Children who were probably having ice cream and enjoying the afternoon before the terror struck and maybe saw their parent or family member die in front of them), maybe it is because this time the fallen individuals became so personal, knowing that one of them was a woman who was 7 months pregnant. It seems so personal, so needless, and so heart-breaking that all I can really ask is WHERE IS ALL THE LOVE IN THE WORLD???

Love that promotes peace instead of war

Love that promotes unity instead of division

Love that promotes lifting up instead of pulling down

Love that is adverse to hate

Love that promotes respect for life

Love is the one thing I know that can heal the world and stop these despicable happenings around the world. Maybe it is naïve to expect sure love to rule the  world but in my opinion, it is what the world needs and what it should preach because from where I am sitting, it is the only thing that can cut across boundaries, religions, cultures, race etc and save the world from such needless and gruesome realities.

I have chosen to write about this and send a prayer  for all victims everywhere, across boundaries, cultures, religions and race… before like most people, life moves me along to my own issues and challenges.

My heart goes out to everyone involved in the Kenya Westgate Mall attack, their family and friends and the survivors, I pray your physical, mental and emotional wounds be healed as quickly as possible

My heart also goes out to everyone around the world suffering from one senseless loss, attack or the other; the refugees from Syria, Victims of the Boko Haram attacks in Nigeria, ALUU 4, Nigeria,  Victims of the Sandy Hook Elementary School, America and so many others. I pray for all survivors, family and friends of the unfortunate non-survivors, that y’all all find peace and beauty in life again.

 

 
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Posted by on September 26, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

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