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Birthday Bash…

‘Oga! We had an agreement’, she stated gently, carefully removing his hand from her thighs.

‘Oooo! Why are you behaving like this na’, he countered, obviously, hoping to somehow convince his hand further up her thighs.

She was determined to go out!

It was her birthday and this time it was a happy birthday. The last two years had been a bit sad, a little indifferent but this year, Ruby had chosen to be happy.

With all the ‘happy birthday’ that came from close friends, there was also the demand that she went out to celebrate.

‘Ruby, you never do anything fun, you really should go out today’.

Why not? She asked herself, there was nothing like cuddling up in bed with a glass of wine and a television series at the end of the day but what better excuse to go out than a birthday celebration. However, the decision to go out wasn’t without its challenges. The first and major one being that she needed a wing person. Experience had taught her that as a woman, Read the rest of this entry »

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Posted by on October 20, 2016 in 30…ish and Single (Still), Uncategorized

 

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Food for the soul…

I was reading an article by my girl crush, Chimamanda Adichie and the discussion prompted me to write an article which I have started and hopefully, will finish at some point. However, I got distracted by something entirely different.

Like every human being, I have interests and some days I just wake up with a serious need to explore one of these interests (**rolling eyes** Okay, you can take your mind out of the gutters at this point, it isn’t what you think and yes, I realize how wrong this sounds **laughing**).  Anyways, so this morning I woke up with the need for music. Good music!!!!

I am a music lover. I listen to almost all genres of music (unfortunately, I sing terribly) and I don’t think anyone could ever describe music better than Shakespeare, who implied that music is food for the soul. I don’t know about everyone, but for me, music is one of the few things that can make me feel my heart. It strikes a chord with my soul and can bring me fastest to tears than anything. I enjoy rhythms almost as much as I love to listen to the lyrics of songs, so I guess you can say my favourite genres are soft rock and soul; the combination of a clear and strong rhythm as well as powerful lyrics can send me on an emotional roller-coaster. I love most of Sarah Mclachlan songs and if you know her songs, by now I guess you have figured that I also love sad songs (yes, I am one of those sad people). I have spent plenty of time today listening to almost every song be Colton Dixon and Sara Groves, they are both gospel musicians and are very good (at least, to me they are). I can write a lengthy essay on every song I like and why I like it, but that’s not the sole purpose of this post and I will most probably bore you, so I will move on to what prompted this post.

A friend of mine and I have been contemplating trying something out (sorry, can’t share just yet) and this eventually led me to visit the websites of some Nigerian celebrities. While looking at Banky W‘s blog on his website, I ran across the lyrics for a song he had written and it had me looking on Youtube for the song itself, which I lovveeee. According to him, the lyrics was inspired by his thoughts on what legacy he would pass on to his kids when he finally gets around to having them (Not sure what he is waiting for though). Anyways, I really like the lyrics. I think they are honest, thoughtful, passionate and inspiring.  I change my mind and not to sound like Simon Cowell, I don’t like it, I love it. It is the kind of poem I would write for my child too and lessons that I hope they would learn.

I am an old school music lover, mostly because I think presently in the music industry, it is more about performing and less about singing; it is more about the beat and less about the lyrics. As much as I love great beats, I love thoughtful lyrics more. I think the years of songs with great lyrics are almost fading, songs like ‘I Believe’ by ‘Blessed Union of Souls’; passionate, thoughtful, and motivating. It really isn’t just me because most people I have had this conversation with, think so too.  Fading quickly are the years when songs are about a message or deep feelings (whatever kind) as well as the rhythm. These days when you strip songs down to the bone, most often than not, you find nothing. For individuals like me, who love the lyrics as much as the beats, we find ourselves living in the classical times or constantly sieving through the increasing dust. I am not trying to disrespect anyone’s art; I am just expressing my own thoughts aloud. However, it can be arguably said that the economics of life is all about supply meets demand; as such, it doesn’t take a genius to see that in present times, performing sells more, not just in terms of albums and money but also in terms of publicity and fame.  So who am I to complain?

Still, days like this, I am grateful for lyrics like the one I found in Banky W’s blog;  mostly because they motivate a deeper sense and thoughts for me.

I have posted the lyrics to the song here – To My Unborn Child”, so y’all can tell me what you think.

 
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Posted by on May 13, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

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The Mother of Complexity

Identity:

(1) who or what something or somebody is

(2) the characteristics, feeling or beliefs that distinguish people from others (Oxford English Dictionary 7th Edition)

So I decided to start my discussions (at least, that is what i hope it is and not some random blabbing) with a somewhat serious topic so y’all don’t think I am naturally unserious (**smiles**).

A couple of years ago I was filling an application for a job in a firm (just in case you were wondering, I didn’t get the job **covers eyes**) and it got to that part I really hate in job applications; the questionnaires (you know the interview questions before the interview), ‘why should we hire you’, ‘why did you apply for this job’, ‘tell us how you fit the role you are applying for’ etc. Trust me, if you have filled as many job applications as I have, you would hate it too. Anyways, so one of the questions asked was something like ‘In a 100 words, write an intelligent treatise using the title I AM’. I wasn’t sure how to go about this. I debated on it for days, asking myself many questions on what to write and what they really meant; I eventually decided they were implicitly asking that first interview question ‘tell us about yourself’ (seeing as I didn’t get the job, maybe I was wrong **shrugs**). However, what this question had done was to stimulate in me a deeper question of identity.

Identity, from my perspective is a mother of complexity. I’ll explain what I mean, but firstly I would like to talk about the definitions of Identity. The Oxford dictionary basically says it is a means of defining someone/something thus, creating features that can be used in differentiating it from other things, people or groups. Many would say that identity is a tool of order and even a tool of understanding; I am inclined to partly agree with both. You tend to understand things better when you know what they are; you understand its usefulness, vices, strengths etc. However, and this is my point, because of the need, even demand for such social definitions, things and especially people tend to be more complex. Take myself for instance and depending on the context, today I could be defined as a female or as an African, tomorrow it could be ‘Oh! She is Nigerian’ or she is from the Niger Delta region or she is this or that, all these many definitions for just one person, for just me. These various ‘identities’ are regarded by society as playing a huge factor in my attitude, thought pattern, actions, abilities and even knowledge or lack of it.  While I do agree that these social factors could play a role in a person’s true identity, I also believe and emphasize that this use of social identities as a need to create order and understanding also creates a greater complexity in truly defining that person or thing. If the definition of who I am is constantly controlled by all these social factors, how can I truly define myself? How can I truly distinguish myself from others in same social groups? Especially if assumptions/impressions are made about me based on these social identities and without interactions? I am not even going to start on the fact that I strongly believe that all these social identities created out of the so-called need to create order and understanding, is really born out of the underlining desire to dominate and claim superiority. The rich are defined as the ‘upper class’ so they can claim superiority over the ‘middle class’ or ‘lower class’; ‘male’ to claim dominance over the ‘female’ and so on (Like I said, I wouldn’t get started).

Someone might say but you are undeniably  ‘ female’ and ‘black’ and African and Nigerian …; Yes I am and make no move to deny so. However, I have to point out that I see myself as being all these things because society has over centuries defined me (these groups) as being just that. Society has grounded it into my head, and that of the entire world. It has been grounded right from my mother’s womb, my first years, until date. It has been grounded through my communications, my education, my associations etc, so how can I not think that is what I am? How can I not think that ‘hey! Am female and African as such, I should be submissive, be patient, love kids (By the way, I do love kids), be a good cook (not so good) etc, basically I should make myself marriageable or end up alone’. What I am trying to say is that underneath all these complex and ever-changing definition of who I am (or should i say, who the world says I am) based on physical features and my geographical history etc, I am first and foremost a person, an individual!!!  Who I am is a factor of my individual character and personality, and trust me that is complex enough. You can’t define me before you meet me based on the fact that you know I am female; you can’t assume my strengths and vices. You can’t judge me before you talk to me and get to know me, just because you know where I am from or the colour of my skin. To you, it may be easier to understand and deal it when you profile and prematurely define me , but to me, you complicate my life; you add another level of complexity to who I really am; you add more lining to my already thick clothes, more garage for me to sieve through. While, I may be categorized as a female, an African, Black skinned, a Nigerian and proudly all these. These are not who I am!!! I am simply ‘ME’. I am a smart, flexible, funny, worrisome, impatient, brutally honest (You can say Nicki Minaj **laughs**), prone to airing my opinion, feisty, friendly and a loyal individual. I am an ‘individual’ who believes in God, Love, Family and balance. Again, I am ‘ME’ as you are ‘YOU’.

 
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Posted by on April 29, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

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