SURVIVAL – A Short Story

“Life is but a tale of choices and effects”

His body had washed up along the shores in Elegushi. Eyewitnesses commented on how badly decomposed he was; saying they couldn’t look at the body for too long, but somehow still managed to get some photos in the hope of selling it to entertainment bloggers for quick cash. Her Michael was dead and some people thought it a means to make money. Lola really couldn’t complain as it was those reports that had helped her and his family finally find him after being missing for 2 weeks, 5 days and some hours.

She had been holed up in her room where she spent most of her time since Michael’s disappearance, when Tutu, his younger sister had frantically ran into her room alerting the family about the body on the shores of Elegushi.

TRUMP FOR PRESIDENT? A Bystander’s Perspective

This rhetoric and the promise to make entering the United States difficult for Muslims is just the kind that the extreme Americans want to hear and Trump is unafraid and unapologetic to say it out loud. To most of his supporters and fans, he is a breath of fresh air and America is in dire need of fresh air.

I have never really been interested in politics. Being from my part of the world, I was quick to learn that the system is mostly plagued with individuals more concerned about their personal benefits and lacing their pockets, than effecting real policies that can positively shape society and create a greater nation for future generations to come.

Paradoxically, I have been drawn to a few elections that represented the beginning of new possibilities. The United States 2008 presidential election was one of those. A black man was a leading candidate for President of the United States! A black man married to an intelligent black woman and with an African father, that alone was sufficient reason to be drawn to the election. I am not American, I couldn’t vote but I rooted for him. Most of the black race, irrespective of country, did. Not just because he was black, but because it had become a possibility that a brilliant and politically savvy man, irrespective of his skin colour, could become the president of the most powerful country in the world. This symbolised the growth and hope for humanity, once again with America setting the pace. It is this type of possibility that truly makes America great, earning its label as the ‘land of the free’.

With Obama’s presidency almost over and the bells for a new presidential

Birthday Bash…

‘Oga! We had an agreement’, she stated gently, carefully removing his hand from her thighs.

‘Oooo! Why are you behaving like this na’, he countered, obviously, hoping to somehow convince his hand further up her thighs.

She was determined to go out!

It was her birthday and this time it was a happy birthday. The last two years had been a bit sad, a little indifferent but this year, Ruby had chosen to be happy.

With all the ‘happy birthday’ that came from close friends, there was also the demand that she went out to celebrate.

‘Ruby, you never do anything fun, you really should go out today’.

Why not? She asked herself, there was nothing like cuddling up in bed with a glass of wine and a television series at the end of the day but what better excuse to go out than a birthday celebration. However, the decision to go out wasn’t without its challenges. The first and major one being that she needed a wing person. Experience had taught her that as a woman,

When Cake loses its sweetness…

30ish & Single (Still)

In my mind, Piers Morgan and I are buddies with an exception of the fact that he isn’t sensitive enough. He’s constant desire to always point out ugly truths is no news and true to his nature, he had a controversial response to Jennifer Aniston article – For the Record. 

Reading Jennifer’s article made me love her even more and I would start by talking about the most beautiful part of her letter which of course is where she speaks about women being able to define themselves outside of their standardised expectations.

‘We are complete with or without a mate, with or without a child… We don’t need to be married or mothers to be complete. We get to determine our own “happily ever after” for ourselves.

Now this is so eloquently expressed and maybe coming from an A-List celebrity, people can really begin to think about this in line with…

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New Blog Alert

Hello everyone.

I have been writing a special category on this space for a while now, titled – 30ish and Single (Still). This category has now been moved to a new blog of its own with web address http://www.30ishandsinglestill.com

Too often, when you get to a certain age, eyes are turned on you, wondering why you are still single. Consciously and unconsciously, the pressure is mounted to find someone (maybe even anyone) to tie the knots with and change your marital status which of course is just crazy. 

In the Sands of Time…

Gone for 35 years and still so relevant…Truly, in the sand of time

Journal of a Complex Mind

‘Conquer the Devil with a little thing called love’ – Bob Marley

Years ago someone said to me: one of the great problems of this world is the fact that people have become less concerned about their legacy. The legacy they leave when they are no longer in a place; be it, position of power or life in general.

I have always loved Bob Marley (and no, it isn’t because I am on dreads). His songs are filled with wisdom and simple sincerity that leaves something deep with you. I remember as a child listening to my father play his songs and even at such young age, Marley sounded so wise to me. I have wanted to write this post about him for a bit and finally have got around to doing just that (Thank God).

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Experience Does Not Always Make You The Authority

“Imagine a wall that’s green on one side and red on the other. You stand on one side and only see green. I stand on the other side and only see red. We’ll both be right about the color we see, even though we disagree on what color the wall is. Being able to realize that the other person has a valid point, even if you disagree with it, that’s maturity.”
―

 Oliver Gaspirtz

Losing a loved one to the cold hands of death gives you a perspective on loss that only experience can explain effectively. However, it is easy to think that this experience makes us the authority on the topic of loss, but I have come to understand that this is not accurate.

30ish & Single(Still): Dating Younger Men

‘The best form of Karma when you stand in judgement over other people’s decisions is finding yourself making similar decisions down the line as life throws you, your own curve ball’.

About 5 years ago, I had just started a new job and had to do a mandatory training with 4 other people. Soon, we all got familiar and started discussing personal details about ourselves. Somehow, one of the ladies, who was about 31 at the time mentioned she lived with her boyfriend who was younger than her (Can’t remember how much younger). I must have had a face because the next thing I remember, I was giving my opinion on how I don’t judge women who date younger men but it wasn’t something I could do; absolutely not! (For someone who wasn’t judging, that statement in itself was laced with judgement. I like to believe I am less judgemental these days).

Fast forward to a few weeks ago, over the holidays, I sat down with a dear friend who I hadn’t seen in a bit and we got chatting; playing catch up. Now, you can say that we both fall under the category, 30ish & Single and as expected, our conversation eventually drifted to men and relationships.

30ish and Single (Still): Ladies, It’s a Leap Year

Leap years are exceptional (Just ask those born on February 29th).  Personally, I think it signifies completeness because it is the year that balances the unevenness of the earth’s rotation around the sun and the calendar. Although, many would say it is just a later date to the February paycheck.

Hurray! 2016 is here

Happy New Year folks!

‘I pray that we stay positive, daring and thankful throughout the year, no matter the challenge’.

The beautiful thing about new years is that people have generally come to accept them as new beginnings. The moment the clock strikes at 12am, it feels like the slate of the old year has been wiped clean; all your achievements or/and failures of the previous year are a thing of the past and we all get a do-over. Most people (myself included) make new goals, plans, expectations and resolutions but way too often before the first quarter of the year is over, we get carried away again with routine and somehow those elaborate plans we made, fade off with the excitement of the new year. The year has become old, so the fire we started with has waned off.

However, I hope the year 2016 is different for us all in a positive way. So here’s my prayer for everyone, again, myself included:

30ish and Single (Still) – Family Weddings

Ever attended a family wedding when you are of ‘marriageable age’ and still single? Trust me, not a fun experience (Am sure most people can relate, especially, Africans). It’s like being locked inside a hen cage (That’s the best analogy I can come up with, so manage it). The well-meaning aunties and uncles (in my case, add brother to the list), all in one place, making sly comments about coming together again to ‘eat your rice’ and celebrate with you’ (Don’t I wish the comments were about making financial contribution towards the imaginary wedding). Heaven forbids that you tell them, there isn’t even a significant man in your life.

2010 – Etched in my memory

“There are memories that time does not erase… Forever does not make loss forgettable, only bearable.”

You know how sometimes, you just have a crappy day with one annoying event happening after another, so much so, that, you just want the day to be over (as if, somehow, a fresh luck comes with dawn). 2010 was that crappy day for me, only, my crappy day lasted a year long.

In fairness to the year, 2010, I had some beautiful things happen as well. It was the year, I graduated with my Masters degree (with distinction I may add. What can I say, I have my smart cookie moments). It was also the year my first nephew was born (He was one cute baby with plenty of hair. He’s still cute but more talkative now). I am sure some other good things happened in 2010 but it is a year I remember for all the bad stuff that happened, basically, for all the good people who passed.

30ish and Single (Still) – Zodiac Explanations for your sign

Zodiac signs have always interested me. You must agree that the very idea that someone who has never met you can predict stuff about you, based on how the stars aligned when you were born, makes for a rather interesting read. It totally dismisses genetics and nurture, but embraces some other mystical factor I don’t fully comprehend. And, of course, because the human self is always looking for an external explanation for why we act the way we do or predictions on how our lives are going to turn out, we read all these Zodiac Predictions and explanations, and some people actually believe it. Really interesting stuff!

Another reason why you are 30ish and Single Still…

It is interesting how much information you can find on the internet about being 30ish and single, more about the woman than the man (**Pouting**, the world is so sexist) Oh well, I guess men don’t have to worry about their biological clock and their ovaries drying up (So does that mean that God is sexist?).

Anyway, I recently read an article online that provided another opinion as to why some woman over 30 are still single and since I fall under this category, of course my interest was piqued.

According to the article, at 30ish, you are more likely to have grown into yourself, which means, you have become more self-assured and have stronger opinions. You know who you are, what you want and certainly, what you don’t want or like. You are also less susceptible to bull***t, maybe even ‘too picky’. Basically, you have become wiser and wait for it… This could be a reason why you are still single!

STOP BEGGING AND FIGHT…

I read a story recently about a lady, who a man had ran into her car accidentally but instead of sorting out the repairs with her, had insisted on speaking to her husband. Reason for this; her husband would understand the situation better (or something along that line). Other passers-by (men as well), who had also stopped at the scene expressed the same opinion and insisted that the lady call her husband. But, this lady had no husband! She was single and according to her, felt so embarrassed by the way these men kept insisting on her calling her husband that she was moved to tears. In her words, ‘I have never been more embarrassed in my life’.

I am going to start by saying there are a lot of things wrong with this story; from the fact that these men believed that the lady was too much of a ‘girl’ to understand the details of how the car was going to get fixed, to the assumption that her fictional husband was so much of a ‘man’ that he would understand the details of fixing the car. Personally, I would have thought that they should have insisted she called a professional i.e. her mechanic, but apparently, I am girl, so what do I know.

Now on to the main reason for this post, a couple of weeks after this story was narrated on a very popular blog, I read again that some famous Nigerian ladies had taken to social media to demand equality for both sexes; to this I say, great. People shouldn’t be underrated or overrated because of their gender. Now, their reason for the sudden outburst was as a result of the above incident; then I got confused and this is why…

NIGERIAN AIRPORT ORDEAL…

It was the last flight of the day and because it was pretty late, I did a mental debate on whether or not to check in my bag. It was a small bag and I could easily carry it as a hand luggage, except that I had all these items(body cream, spray and perfume) that security gives you grief for taking on board. In western airports (At least, the ones I have been to), all you had to do was keep them within a specified quantity and put them in a sealed bag. But in Nigeria, no matter how small it is or how it’s packed, once it comes under the radar of the security personnels, they always give you ‘wahala’ for it. Generally, I have never really understood the rationale of this rule. Somehow, it is okay to carry 10 perfumes, body sprays and what have not, if you bought them at duty free but same items are prohibited, unless within a specific quantity, when you bring them into the airport with you?

Anyway, I contemplated checking my bag in just to avoid the drama at security but then, there was the issue of it already being a late flight which was going to be further delayed. I didn’t want to spend extra time waiting for my bag to come through after disembarking, especially since I had already arranged for an airport pickup which was likely to be waiting before we landed. Finally, I decided to take the risk and carry my bag as a hand luggage, after all, my friend had told me she always did that and never had an issue at security, despite having a lot of x-ed items. Maybe I was going to get lucky, otherwise, if my bag got pointed out, I would try sweet-talking myself through, I thought to myself.

So I checked in, carried my bag, popped it through the security scanner and went over to the other side to await the verdict. There were about 6 or 7 other people getting through security at same time so I was really expectant that I would escape the slaughter (A bit dramatic but this girl really hates to lose her toiletries). Long story short, I wasn’t so lucky and my bag got pointed out. ‘There’s something like a spray in your bag, open it, please’, the man at security said to me.

MADE OF BLACK

Black keeps trying until it makes it or drops… It never gives up!

Identities clash all the time because life is so full of them. One person can be a hundred different things and balancing all of them isn’t a walk in the park. Another problem with social identity is that it creates stereotypes. Most times, people make assumptions about who you are, your lack or presence of abilities because you fall into some social category. One of my earliest post titled, mother of complexity talks about this.

However, in the words of Chimamanda Adichie, the problem with stereotypes isn’t that they are {always} untrue but that they tell a single story. Over the years, I believe that a single story has been told about what it means to be BLACK. Black has been synonymous with underprivileged and primitiveness and if it happens to be African Black, the list gets longer; Poverty, Dying children, AIDS etc. I find it interesting how the children in advertorials about poverty are always black. I make no illusion that there aren’t many black people who suffer from these disadvantages but I am also very aware that it isn’t our ‘single story’. Our true story lies in what we are made of and that is; MADE OF BLACK!

PRIVILEGE

“It’s easy to fictionalize an issue when you’re not aware of the many ways in which you are privileged by it.”
― Kate Bornstein, Gender Outlaws: The Next Generation

I have always thought of privilege as being born with a silver spoon (Although, in my head, a ‘gold spoon’ is a more appropriate term). In many ways, I guess that is what privilege is; an unearned advantage that should give us an edge over some others, in life.

It is amazing how easy it is to see what we term as disadvantages in our lives. ‘Oh! I wasn’t born with a trust fund’ (Personally, wish I was), ‘I was born in the wrong part of town or even the world’, ‘I was born with buck teeth’ (Just had to say this one *hahahaha*, sorry, not funny), ‘I wasn’t born pretty enough’ and so on.

KANYE WEST FOR AMERICAN PRESIDENT?

Whether or not you watched the VMAs, as long as you are connected to social media in one way or the other, you likely have heard about the Vanguard award acceptance speech by the famous, or should I say infamous, Kanye West. Like most things done by this audacious man, his declaration to run for the office of the American President in 2020 created such a buzz that even t-shirts are being made out of it. Personally, I thought it, a humorous end to his speech and whether or not he really means to run, we would just have to wait to find out. I must confess, I didn’t watch the VMAs but like most people I have been drawn to this trendy topic (It’s the miracle power of social media).

Life is Messy…

‘Your standardised ideologies will not always fit your life; because life is messy’

–  Chimamanda Adichie

The above quote was cut from Wellesley Commencement Address given by my girl crush, Chimamanda Adichie. Immediately she said those words, it jumped at me because it felt like she had looked into my mind and taken a thought I had been trying to eloquently express for a while and there it was, perfectly phrased, finally! Not entirely sure if we meant it in the same context but the phrase fitted my thoughts perfectly.

Our stance, opinions, even our beliefs are constantly being challenged by the reality of life. Every now and then, even more often than we like to admit, we find ourselves taking actions that are contrary to our proclaimed ideologies. Sometimes, not even because we have stopped believing in what we believe but just because of a thousand different reasons and other times, because real experiences has shifted our stance until we have become ‘less sure’. It’s easy to say something should be this or that until you are stuck in that situation and you just may find yourself doing the exact opposite; the high road all of a sudden has become too high, the very action you criticized has become your choice, your firm proclaimed ideology no longer firm enough to dominate the situation, your feminist view is out the window and yes, you have compromised. It’s no longer black or white, it has become grey. Many would say that the term for this is hypocrisy, maybe it is or maybe it isn’t. But I think a fairer term is Life! Ideologically, life is straight-forward but realistically, it is messy and at the end of the day, the life we have now, is life, in its truest definition to us.